Pushing the point

Im starting to loose my tollerance for the little things, mainly because i am feeling so sick, my BG's are high, constantly high, which isnt good, but hopefully when i see the specialist on Wednesday that will all be sorted. The big problem that has been in my life for the last period, is still there, I have given up, infact I  dont care anymore I just want it to go away, i am tired of feeling the way it made me feel, im tired of being angry, confused and hurt, and most of all I know its a hopeless situation. - so why waste energy on it.  Then there is the diving, well this is one thing that confuses me about my freediving, i can have a headache, the type that really hurts, but when i get in the water, it melts away, i can be really angry, really fuming, and i get in the water, and it melts away, i can be feeling sick, not right, but yet I can still swim.  The 25m's are getting really easy for me now, on the days when i dont train with the mono, i am using my bi-fins (stock standard snorkeling flippers) and just do fitness stuff, which usually consisit of a breathe-up, a sprint underwater for as long as i can, and then when i surface, freestyle to the end, have a minute breathe-up and do it again, i choose the stroke while i am underwater, sometimes i even do it on my back.  I am working on a few things at the moment, and i decide when i get in the water, what it will be, ie distance, technique, starts, turns, or endurance, but the one thing i need to work on what ever I am doing, is to learn to push it - to push out that fear just a little bit longer.  On Friday Kerian and I were at the pool, i decided that i was going to do a pyramid training session, ie start small, work up to a big distance and then go down small again.  What i did tho, rather than start at the end of the pool, was i started quarter of the way out, i would swim the few meters, to the end do a full length, turn and swim to where i felt i had to come up, then the next swim would be started at the same point i came up, so it was pushing me to add a few more meters to each swim.  what i ended up doing was some 30m plus dives, then a 42, then a 48, then a 52, a 56 and a 58 ( yay a new pb) today i was gunning for 50 plus a turn, more than once, I didnt quite manage that, but what i did amongst some 30m plus dives  was 5 x 50's, 3 of which i had contractions in, and 3 of which felt awfull all the way, but i stuck with them, I also had one dive which felt AMAZING.  I have set up a chart to record my distances on, so i can structure what i do each day to be a little more than the day before .

Like nana said, the big P is so important ( P stood for practice ) but for me a the moment P has more than that meaning, it also stands for persistance, perserverance and pushing that Point!